


slowly coming back to life

by luceskywalker



Series: you're all I never knew I needed [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: (not Poe), Aftermath of Torture, Asexual Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, I still can't figure out the timeline for TFA but I tried, Injured Poe Dameron, Injury Recovery, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plothole Fill, Poe Dameron hurts so pretty, Serious Injuries, Snap Wexley is just a big cinnamon roll, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, all of Poe's friendships are queerplatonic idgaf, medical inaccuracies probably, pre-Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-05-18 00:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5890972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luceskywalker/pseuds/luceskywalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe makes it back to the Resistance base alive – but only just.</p><p>The One Where Poe Gets By, With A Little Help From His Friends: a fill-in fic for the gap between the crash on Jakku and the rescue on Takodana.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. all I can do to keep you safe is hold you close

**Author's Note:**

> Reading order doesn’t really matter, but even though chronologically this is set before _even if we can’t find heaven_ , I think it goes better if you read it second. I haven't written about Poe waking up right after the crash because that's covered in the novelisation. 
> 
> Work and all chapter titles come from Birdy's _[Keeping Your Head Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8AXUq5uA0Y)_.
> 
> This fic is betaed by [OrmondSacker](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker) and [my best friend Joanna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Embrethil).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohn Gos and Naka Iit are from the TFA novelisation. I'm not quite sure how long Poe, Karé and Iolo have been with the Resistance in the canon, but for the purposes of this they've been there for a few years.
> 
> I have some headcanons about Poe Dameron’s parents being from Alderaan, and Alderaan’s native language being what we call Spanish (for reasons other than but also including Oscar Isaac being Guatemalan). So the Spanish in this is pretending to be Alderaanian.

            Every cell in Poe’s body was screaming at him by the time he had finished recounting his story to Ohn Gos. The Blarina merchant had listened sympathetically, as Naka Iit promised he would, but whether or not he could be of any practical help remained to be seen. The adrenaline that had carried the pilot thus far was wearing off, leaving in its wake only blinding pain and exhaustion so deep that Poe was almost starting to wish for death.

            “You are in luck, madman,” Ohn Gos said finally. The words took a few moments to register in Poe’s overwrought mind, and even when they did he could do little more than look up blearily.

            “There is a human trader just about to finish up his business here on Jakku, who might be persuaded to take you home. I will take you to him.”

            Blowback Town was not large, but Poe couldn’t even manage the walk from one side to the other, so Ohn Gos graciously drove him in his speeder. The freighter was massive, but unmarked, and Poe prayed to whatever deity that existed in this forsaken corner of the Western Reaches that its Captain was not aligned with the First Order. An old man, presumably the Captain himself, moved over to them as the speeder came to a stop. The Blarina merchant nimbly hopped out, and Poe followed, albeit a lot slower and with a lot more difficulty. His legs felt weak and he had to lean against the speeder just to stay upright.

            “Changed your mind, Ohn Gos?”

            “Not at all, my good friend, not at all. I came across this madman here who is desperate to get off this planet, and I thought perhaps you could take him off my hands.”

            “For a price, no doubt.”

            An ancient astromech droid rolled up behind the man, a motley of so many different models that it was impossible to classify. The man hardly took any notice of its approach.

            “Oh no, Captain, on the contrary! He saved the life of a fellow Blarina, which is considered the highest luck among my people. No payment necessary, I assure you.”

            “Hmm.”

            Poe felt the man’s eyes on him, and looked up. The man was visibly taken aback at the sight of Poe’s face, and the pilot really hoped it was only because he looked terrible, not because he had been recognised as a fugitive of the First Order.

            The man whistled. “Someone’s done a number on you, kid. Where do you need to go?”

            Shit. He couldn’t just reveal the location of the Resistance base to a complete stranger. Poe swallowed, and again, trying to conjure enough moisture so that he could actually speak, and said the first thing that came into his head. “Th- The Yavin system.”

            The man’s face closed off. “That’s far out of my way.”

            Poe’s shoulders slumped. “I can pay you, whatever you want. I just need to get back.”

            “Fifty thousand. Half now, half when we arrive.”

            The astromech’s visual processor looked Poe up and down, and it beeped reproachfully at its master.  Poe dimly understood the binary for _[He’s dying]_ , but not even that seemed to sway the man, and Poe would have cried in frustration if he had any spare moisture left in his body. He was so exhausted, and everything hurt _so much_. “I don’t- I don’t have money on me, but I can pay you when we get to Yavin, I promise, _please_ -”

            Poe broke off, out of breath, out of energy. He’d resigned himself to death on the _Finalizer_ , and then got free, and had started to think that maybe, against all the odds, he’d make it back. The longer he stood here, slowly bleeding out into the desert, the less likely it seemed.

            All of a sudden the man came towards him, looking intently at his face. “You look awfully familiar. What’s your name, kid?”

            Poe was getting tired, so tired, of all this talking. “Poe Dameron.”

            In the blink of an eye, the man’s whole demeanour changed. Poe felt a vague sinking in his stomach, thinking that the man was a First Order sympathiser after all, but then the Captain said, “Dameron? Kes and Shara’s boy?”

            Poe managed a nod, hoping that having known his parents would make the old man more helpful. “Please, I’ll pay you whatever you want, just, please… I can’t…” he felt his legs start to give out, and then all of a sudden the old man had an arm around him and was supporting his weight.

            “Never mind about that now, I owe my life to Shara Bey twice over. Never got the chance to pay her back. The least I can do is see her son home safely.” The old captain turned his head and said something to Ohn Gos, but Poe couldn’t make sense of the words, and then he was being led towards the ship and up the ramp. The Captain also told Poe his name, but the pilot’s vision was going dark at the edges and all of his concentration was taken up by putting one foot in front of the other. He had none to spare to take note of names.

            He was led to a chair in the cockpit where he could be strapped in more securely than anywhere else on the freighter, thus bracing his injuries and limiting the possibility of aggravating them during flight, and where the Captain could keep an eye on him and make sure he didn’t get worse.

            “Okay, kid,” said the Captain. “Where is it that you really need to go?”

            Poe blinked at the old man in confusion, and was given a wry smile in return.

            “If anyone is a member of the Resistance, it’s the son of Kes Dameron and Shara Bey. Given the state you’re in, it looks like you’ve got some bad news. So I assume you’d rather go straight to your base?”

            Poe nodded. “You can’t tell anyone where it is.” He’d already betrayed Leia and the Resistance once, out of his control as that was, and he didn’t want to do it a second time.

            “I won’t. I swear it on your mother’s honour, Force rest her soul. Consider it repayment of my second life debt.”

            Poe scrutinised the man’s face as much as he was able in his semi-conscious state, and decided the Captain was trustworthy. Poe was no Jedi, but he had a pretty good sense of judgement when it came to people. “D’Qar. The Ileenium System.”

            The Captain nodded, patted him on the knee, and headed back over to the console to input the coordinates.

            Poe was content to sit there in half-consciousness as the captain and first mate prepared for take-off, and felt the ship lift into the air only distantly. He was somehow still bleeding from somewhere, he could feel it, warm and damp, seeping out of him with every sluggish beat of his heart.

            Making the jump to hyperspace hurt his battered body, but he was in such an immense amount of pain as it was that it barely registered.

            Sometime later, Poe felt a hand on his shoulder, and opened his eyes with great effort to see the first mate crouching in front of him. The first mate was a Mirialan, with skin as yellow as Iolo’s left eye. The brief memory of his friend jarred Poe into something resembling lucidity – _I have to get back, I have to see them one more time, I have to tell them what happened_ – and he realised he was being spoken to. He blinked at the Mirialan in confusion.

            “¿Qué?”

            The first mate’s eyes widened and he turned back to the captain. Poe tried to focus on the words but couldn’t make them all out. “Sh…ld…try Al…anian?”

            Whatever he’d said, the Captain agreed, and the first mate turned back and smiled encouragingly at Poe. “¿Quieres algo de beber? ¿Quieres agua?”

            He was asking if Poe wanted water. It had been easier to understand the second time, for some reason, but Poe couldn’t quite figure out why. Poe nodded, and the Mirialan disappeared, and then came back a moment later with a cup. He held it up, slim fingers holding the straw in place so he could guide it between Poe’s parched lips.

            The liquid was cool against the pilot’s tongue, and for a moment Poe just drank the water and forgot about everything else, until the Mirialan touched his shoulder again. “Fácil. No tan rapido.”

            Poe made an effort to obey, and drank more slowly, but all too soon the cup was empty. He still felt like he had been trampled by an AT-AT and there was no part of him that wasn’t on fire, but at least he had moisture in his mouth and throat again. He licked his lips and nodded at the first mate.

            “Gracias.”

            The Mirialan smiled. “De nada. Ya casi llegamos.”

            Almost there. Poe tried to nod again, and found that he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Maybe if he just sat here with them closed, time would go faster. If he could just…sleep…

            He didn’t feel the ship drop out of hyperspace, or enter the atmosphere of D’Qar, but he did feel it when the massive freighter touched down none-too-gently on the ground. He bit back a groan as he was jolted from semi-consciousness, and hissed in pain as the Captain’s hands undoing the seatbelts jostled his broken rib- or was it ribs? It all seemed the same to Poe.

            “Come on, my lad. Up you get. Just a short walk outside and you’re home free.”

            These words sounded different to the ones he’d been using with the Mirialan, but he understood them relatively easily so he didn’t dwell too much on it.

            He allowed the Captain to help him up, and they slowly made their way out of the ship.

<>

            The descent of an unmarked freighter onto the tarmac of the Resistance base caused a stir among the people working outside, Snap Wexley among them, and by the time the exit ramp lowered everyone had stopped what they were doing to wander closer.

            Snap moved through the crowd to the front ranks, hardly believing his eyes when he recognised Poe Dameron, of all people, stumbling out of the freighter, supported by an old man who was presumably the ship’s captain. It had been a week of radio silence since Poe was supposed to return from Jakku, and it was just starting to sink in that they’d probably lost him.

            By the look of him, that was still a distinct possibility.

            Snap was running to him even before Poe swayed, far too unsteady on his feet for comfort, even walking aided, and reached the pilot just as Poe collapsed, slipping out from under the Captain’s arm. Wexley caught him just in time to save him from hitting the ground. His head lolled against Snap’s upper arm, and he just barely managed to whisper Snap’s name before he lost consciousness completely.

            Time was short. Snap thanked the Captain and scooped Poe up, ordering someone nearby to _fetch the General_ , and then shouldered through the gathered crowd and rushed towards the medcentre. He knew it was bad even before he felt the warmth of Poe’s blood soaking through his shirt, for a number of reasons:

  1. Poe was a week late
  2. BB-8 was nowhere to be seen
  3. Neither was Poe’s X-Wing, which Dameron loved like his own child and would not abandon unless there was no saving it



And most worryingly:

  1. Poe had barely made it to the end of the exit ramp before he dropped like a stone, and was covered in what looked like all the blood in his body.



            The main entrance to the medcentre didn’t have a door, to make transporting patients into and out of the subterranean hospital easier, and Snap had never been more thankful for that than he was in that moment. He could feel that at least two of Poe’s ribs were broken and grating against each other, and he didn’t even want to think about what other injuries his friend could be suffering.

            “Move! Out of my way!” he shouted as he entered the medical section proper, frustrated that people were blocking the corridor. “Get out of the way!”

            Most people moved straight away at the sound of Wexley’s shout, and those that didn’t only had to look at the battered pilot in his arms to be spurred into movement.

            Whispers of “That’s Poe Dameron” followed him as he headed for the ICU, and he knew that the entire base would know about this in less than an hour. Even though it had been a week, everyone had been half-expecting Poe to turn up with some crazy story of an unlikely escape, perhaps a little bruised but otherwise fine. To have him return like this just seemed like early confirmation of everyone’s worst nightmare.

_He failed. The mission failed, and unless we get that map before the First Order, we are all fucked._

            “In here!” called Dr Kalonia, waving Wexley into an empty room. He gently lowered Poe onto the bed, gritting his teeth at the obviously pain-filled sound the pilot made, and then was politely pressed out of the way so the medics could get to work.


	2. hold you close til you can breathe on your own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So idk I always got the impression that Star Wars medical treatments would be basically the same as ours, if slightly more hi-tech in a few ways here and there. Also I’m not a doctor and even though I spent all afternoon on medical websites this is not accurate by any means. Then again, this is not even our galaxy so I can probably get away with taking a few liberties? >:D
> 
> Just a note: all of my space-Spanish dialogue is translated by a friend of mine who lives in Argentina. So if there's any perceived errors in it then it's down to dialect differences, not incorrect translations.

                “Let him stay,” ordered Dr Kalonia as a young, newly recruited nurse tried to make Snap Wexley leave the room. “Bring him a chair, let him sit there at the head of the bed. I need someone to keep Dameron awake and talking until we know how bad this is. Wexley, sit down and talk to him, keep him calm.”

                Snap could have kissed her. The nurse grudgingly brought over a chair and Snap sank into it, immediately leaning over so Poe would be able to see him, albeit upside-down.

                “Poe? Can you hear me?”

                “Mmm…”

                “Can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes for me, Poe.”

                 “He’s severely dehydrated,” Dr Kalonia said to Iero, the Keshian nurse who had just finished calibrating the room’s medidroid. “Get him on a saline solution, stat.”

                The Keshian complied, inserting the drip into Poe’s arm with the same ease with which the pilot handled ships, xyr infrared vision allowing xyr to successfully locate his vein even in his dehydrated state. Dr Kalonia, her two nurses and the medidroid worked around Snap effortlessly, as if he wasn’t even there.

                The medidroid had hooked Poe up to a heart monitor and Wexley was comforted by the aural confirmation of life, even though he was close enough to the pilot to hear him breathing. In the background, Kalonia said something about a blood transfusion. Temmin gently took Poe’s head in his hands, and ran his thumbs over Poe’s scalp in soothing lines just above his ears, in an attempt to give the pilot something to focus on that wasn’t what the medics were doing.

                “Open your eyes, Poe.”

                “Duele…”

                “I know it hurts. I know. We’ll make that stop soon, I promise. You’ve gotta hold on, okay? Just open your eyes for me.”

                “Get a scanner on him,” ordered Dr Kalonia.

                Poe’s eyelids flickered. Snap leaned over, trying to block out as many of the blinding lights on the ceiling as he could, to make it easier on his friend.

                “That’s it. Come on. You can do it.” Snap kept his voice pitched low and even.

                Wexley glanced up at the rotating hologram of Poe being projected from the scanner. Each injury was colour-coded according to the severity, and the little holo showed three broken ribs, a minor head injury, as well as what looked like lacerations on his back; but the scanner seemed to be confused about whether they were cuts or burns, which was concerning.

                Dr Kalonia took note of them and then focused on the last, most serious thing on the holo, cutting through Poe’s shirt to get to it. She carefully peeled the blood-soaked fabric away from Poe’s skin, and Wexley couldn’t hold back a gasp at the sight of the pilot’s bloody torso. The upper half and left side were a mass of dark bruising from his broken ribs, and the right was shining red and slick under the bright medcentre lights.

                From the base of Poe’s ribs, down to below the waistband of his trousers, was a morass of transparisteel shrapnel wounds.  The source of most of the blood was a sizeable piece as long as Dr Kalonia’s palm, which was lodged above Poe’s right hip.

                “He looks like he crashed his plane,” Snap breathed.

                “I think he did,” replied Dr Kalonia.

                That would explain the absence of his X-wing. Wexley turned away from the carnage and swallowed his emotions down, fighting to keep his voice as even as it had been before.

                “Come on Poe. Open your eyes. I’m right here, you can do it.”

                The pilot’s eyes opened slowly, painfully, the hospital room seeming impossibly bright.

                “That’s the way. Just a little more. I know you can’t wait to see my face.”

                Poe’s lips turned up at the edges at that, and Wexley was heartened. A second later the pilot opened his eyes properly, and blinked a few times, trying to focus.

                “That’s it. Look at me now, look at me.”

                Poe did. Wexley had never been so happy to look into Poe’s eyes, even though they were bloodshot and glassy and not entirely focused.

                “Duele,” Poe whispered again. “Me duele todo.”

                “I bet it does. You’re in a right state this time, kiddo. But you’re safe now, you’ll be alright.” Snap kept Poe’s head cradled, his thumbs moving steadily over the pilot’s dark brown curls. It was a tried and true way to keep him calm, and Snap knew it wouldn’t fail him now.

                In the background, Dr Kalonia told one of the nurses to fetch a handheld sonic so they could clean Poe’s injuries and start treating them.

                Poe made a noncommittal sound, blinking slowly like he wanted to close his eyes again. “Estoy muy cansado.”

                “You can sleep soon, I promise. But not yet.” Poe’s eyes were slipping shut again, despite Wexley’s authoritative tone. “Keep your eyes open, Dameron.”

                Poe mumbled something else in Alderaanian that Snap couldn’t quite understand.

                “Can you say that again in Basic for me?”

                Poe frowned, and took a moment to reply, as if trying to remember what words he needed. “…My chest hurts.”

                “Yeah, you have three broken ribs.”

                “No…’s different.”

                Dr Kalonia glanced up, her expression worried. “Check his temperature.”

                Poe was extremely pale and his breathing was progressively getting shorter. He kept blinking, his eyes staying closed for longer each time. Snap put the back of his hand against Poe’s clammy forehead.

                “He’s freezing,” Wexley replied, as the beeps on the heart monitor increased in speed.

                “Heart rate rising,” remarked the medidroid impassively. “Blood pressure dropping.”

                Dr Kalonia looked at Poe’s lips, and then picked up one of his hands to check his fingernails. They were both blue.

                “Hypovolemic shock,” she said, as if the words were curses. “He’s lost too much blood. Elevate his feet,” she said to Iero, who hurried to comply.

                “Epinephrine?” asked the male nurse who’d tried to make Snap leave. Dr Kalonia nodded.

                “Hurry.”

                The nurse rushed over to the other side of the room where storage units were mounted on the wall, and started gathering the implements he needed.

                “Still with me, Dameron?”

                “Cansado…”

                “Stay awake just a little longer, Poe. I know you’re tired, and I know it hurts. Just a little longer.”

                Poe’s head moved minutely from side to side. “Doesn’t…”

                Snap frowned as the pilot trailed off. “Doesn’t what?” he prompted.

                “Doesn’t hurt anymore…”

                The heart monitor started screaming an alarm at them as Poe’s blood pressure dropped down to a dangerously low level. A second later the alarm intensified as the pilot’s heart stopped beating. Iero pulled over a ventilation machine and fitted the mask onto Poe’s face to keep oxygen running through his system while they tried to restart his heart, and out of the corner of his eye, Wexley saw the male nurse returning with a syringe but was no longer concerned with what the medics were doing.

                “Now listen here you reckless bastard,” Wexley hissed at the unresponsive pilot, holding firmly onto Poe’s head and fighting the prickling at the back of his eyelids. “You didn’t make it all the way back here from whatever backwater junkyard planet you were on just to die like this.”

                Poe’s body flinched and then went still again, and he heard Dr Kalonia order the droid to repeat whatever it had just done.

                “And you want to know what else?” Snap added, “I don’t want to be the one who has to tell your dad about this. So you damn well better come back or I will kill you myself.”

                Snap shut his eyes against the moisture welling up in them, willing Poe’s heart to start beating again, willing the pilot to take a breath on his own. “Come on, Poe…”

                He felt rather than saw the pilot flinch again, but this time there was a hesitant beep on the heart monitor, followed by another, and several more in steady, quick succession, and then, finally, Poe inhaled sharply and his eyes flickered open again.

                Snap leaned over his friend, smiling through unshed tears. “Welcome back. Gonna stay with us this time?”

                Poe closed his eyes slowly, and nodded minutely. Snap leaned down until their foreheads were touching, and whispered, “Good.”

                “Blood pressure stabilising,” announced the droid. “Vital signs returning to normal.”

                Snap sat back up and passed his hands over his face, surreptitiously wiping his eyes as he did so. He glanced up, having seen movement out of the corner of his eye, and saw Poe’s hands clenching and unclenching, trying to lift off the bed as if he was attempting to reach for something, but he couldn’t quite manage to raise his arms. Snap thought he had a pretty good idea of what Poe wanted.

                “Want me to hold your hand?” Snap asked.

                Poe nodded again, and Snap swung the chair around to the side of the bed so he was sitting on Poe’s left, and picked up the pilot’s hand, holding it in both of his own. The pilot turned his head to look at him, and this time his brown eyes were clear. He squeezed Temmin’s hand briefly, unable to squeeze very hard or for very long because he was weak from blood loss. Snap squeezed back gently.

                “It hurts,” Poe whispered through the mask. “Everything hurts.”

                “Yeah, I know,” Snap whispered back, moving one hand up to stroke the pilot’s hair again, and not minding that they’d just had this conversation. Poe had been barely conscious and probably didn’t remember the last few minutes. “We’ll take care of that for you soon, alright? Just lie still and breathe.”

                He caught Dr Kalonia’s eye from across the bed, and she smiled and nodded encouragingly at him before touching Poe’s shoulder lightly.

                “You have some shrapnel wounds,” she said when Poe’s attention was on her. “I’ve applied some anaesthetic which will kick in in a few minutes, and then we’re going to start removing the smaller pieces. If there are no complications, we’ll put you out while we get the bigger ones and take care of everything else. Alright?”

                Poe nodded, and the doctor patted him on the shoulder and went back to her work. A little while later the pilot winced as Iero successfully removed a small shard of transparisteel, more because the vague, half-felt sensation was unpleasant than because it hurt, and turned his head away from the medics, preferring to look at Temmin instead. Snap was still running his fingers through Poe’s hair, keeping a steady rhythm, and he smiled at his friend.

                Poe shut his eyes, concentrating on breathing evenly through the pain. Temmin removed his hand from Poe’s hair so he could scratch his nose, and Poe’s eyes shot open as if in a panic, but he relaxed again when he saw that Temmin hadn’t left.

                Snap frowned in concern. “Are you okay?”

                “Stay,” Poe whispered by way of answer.

                “I will if you will,” Snap joked, returning his right hand to its ministrations in Poe’s hair. Poe sighed softly, and Snap squeezed the pilot’s hand again. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m going to stay right here.”

<> 

                A few hours later Temmin was where he said he would be, still sitting in the chair by Poe’s bed. It was nighttime on D’Qar, the medcentre lights running on half-power and casting the room in a twilight glow. The pilot was in an induced coma now, preliminary treatment of his injuries complete, and the rest left up to the bacta bandage currently encircling his torso. The Resistance was experiencing a shortage of the healing fluid, and given that Poe’s injuries were no longer necessarily life threatening, Dr Kalonia deemed it unnecessary to fill a tank to take care of them when a bandage would do the job just as well and not strain their resources.

                Not to mention that Poe hated bacta as much as he hated the First Order. More than once Poe had grumpily announced that he’d rather die than be put into another bacta tank, and Temmin knew Poe was never totally serious when he said that, but the statement was firmly rooted in the truth all the same. Poe did always seem to experience a worse comedown than most other people, so Snap understood where the sentiment was coming from, even though Poe’s attempts to avoid bacta at all costs were sometimes extremely frustrating.

                The pilot’s condition had stabilised, and the only medical detritus left was the IV in his right arm and the heart monitor, which was no longer just monitoring his heart but everything, keeping track of the rate at which his body was healing and checking his respiratory system as well as anything else that Dr Kalonia had decided they needed to observe. The medidroid stood dormant in a corner of the room, on standby but ready to power up again with a simple vocal command.

                Snap was still stroking the pilot’s hair, even though he knew Poe wouldn’t feel it. Dr Kalonia had told him to go and get some sleep, but Snap refused. He promised Poe he’d stay, and he was going to. He wasn’t going to let Poe wake up alone.

                A commotion in the corridor drew Temmin’s attention, and he heard the tail end of an argument as it drew close to Poe’s room.

                “You are not authorised to go any further.” The flat, no-nonsense tone of a medidroid was followed by a human voice: female, very annoyed and blessedly familiar.

                “Like hell I’m not, let me through!”

                Jessika Pava, newly returned from a mission of her own, burst into the room, swiftly shutting the door against the dismayed medidroid. After a second it whirred away, most likely to inform Dr Kalonia of the intrusion. Not that she would do anything about it.

                Jess froze when she saw Poe unconscious on the bed, the colour draining out of her face. Temmin barely noticed his legs moving until he was standing in front of the younger pilot and drawing her in for a hug.

                Jess hugged him back, hard, standing on tiptoes to look over his shoulder at their commander.

                “Is he okay?”

                “He is now,” Snap replied. “It was hairy there for a while, but he’s going to be alright.”

                He led Jess over to the bed and let her take the chair, and told her about Poe’s dramatic return, about the injuries he’d sustained. Poe’s mission had been absolutely top secret and not even Snap had any idea where he’d been or how he’d incurred his injuries, and past the theory that he’d crashed his X-wing, couldn’t even speculate as to their origin. They wouldn’t know until Poe woke up and told them.

                When he’d finished, Jess had her hands over her eyes, sobbing quietly.

                “Hey now,” Snap said, moving over to the chair and crouching beside her. “Don’t cry, we’re past the worst.”

                Jessika shook her head as he rubbed her knee. “I’m not upset, I’m _relieved_.” She looked at Temmin, tears still tracking down her face. “He’s alive, and I’m so relieved. I thought he was dead. I thought-”

                She broke off, not needing to finish her sentence, and stood up, pulling Wexley up as well so she could hug him again.

                “We all did,” Snap murmured, rubbing her back. “We all thought we’d lost him.”

                “If I ever find the bastards who did this to him, I’m going to tear them limb from limb.”

                Temmin laughed briefly as they pulled apart. “Be sure to leave some for me.”

                “Maybe one,” Jess conceded, wiping her nose. She looked at Snap’s face properly, and frowned. “You look wrecked.”

                Snap nodded. “I’ve been here all day. Kalonia tried to make me leave, but I promised Poe I’d stay.”

                “I’ll sit with him,” said Jess. “I’ve been debriefed and everything already. I’ll stay, you go and get some sleep.”

                “You should sleep as well,” Snap admonished.

                “I couldn’t,” Jess replied. “I’d just worry about him all night.”

                Snap considered arguing further, but he really was exhausted. Poe would be safe with Jess, and Snap knew he’d be a better source of support if he was well-rested, so he hugged the younger pilot one more time, bent to press a kiss to Poe’s forehead, and left the medcentre to find some z’s.


	3. I’ll be keeping your head up, darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe wakes up, and Leia finds out what happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so difficult to get right. Hopefully it’s worth the wait.
> 
> I’m not sure how they’re going to handle it in actual canon, but for the purposes of this Poe knows who Kylo Ren is.

                Poe was surrounded by infinite whiteness. He looked down at himself and found that he was wearing a papery hospital gown, but did not seem to be injured. Further down were his bare feet, which were standing on something that felt solid but looked like more white nothingness.

                “Am I dead?” he wondered aloud.

                “No,” replied a voice from behind him, fond amusement radiating from it in comforting waves that took Poe’s breath away. He needed to turn around. He wanted to turn around.

                He’d never been more afraid to turn around in his entire life. Because he couldn’t be hearing that voice. It was impossible.

                “Not impossible, just improbable,” the voice said, and Poe felt his eyes well up.

                “…Mamá?”

                “Hello, cariño.”

                Poe took a deep breath and turned.

                And there was his mother, looking just like he remembered, dressed in her green flightsuit and smiling at him.

                He felt the tears start running down his face. “But, how?  _How?_ Is…is this real, or am I dreaming? Am I…am I dead?”

                Shara Bey shook her head, and stepped forward. “You’re not dead. Far from it. You might be dreaming, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t real.”

                Poe looked into her face, marvelling at the fact that they stood eye-to-eye. She was still smiling at him. Poe’s heart ached.

                “I miss you,” he whispered. “So much.”

                His mother gathered him into her arms and held him tight, and he’d never realised how much he’d been wanting and missing and _needing_ this until now. He hugged her back, and let himself cry into her shoulder. She turned her head to kiss his temple, and brought one hand up to stroke his hair, the way she always used to when he was small.

                “That’s it, let it all out.”

                He stayed there, warm and secure in Shara’s embrace, even after the tears stopped. His mother was humming quietly, a tune Poe knew but couldn’t quite place. She even smelt the same, the faint scent of engine oil ever-present underneath the subtle floral sweetness of her perfume. Poe remembered it all, the olfactory memories just as vivid twenty-four years later as they had been when she was alive.

                Shara stopped humming to kiss his temple again. “I am always so proud of you, cariño,” she said, pulling away from the hug but only far enough so she could cup his face, “No matter what happens, even when you don’t feel very proud of yourself. Especially when you don’t feel very proud of yourself.”

                Poe inhaled shakily through his nose and nodded, fighting to not start crying again. “I love you.”

                His mother replied, “I love you too,” and Poe lost the fight, a few more tears leaking out. Shara wiped them away with the pads of her thumbs, and leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

                “It’s time for you to go back,” she said. Poe wanted to stay here and hug her more, but he felt like a ship in a tractor beam, being pulled away to- whatever existed outside of _this_.

                Poe’s mother ran a long-fingered hand through his curls. “Promise me you’ll go and visit your Papá and abuelos soon. They miss you.”

                He missed them. “I promise.”

                Satisfied, Shara nodded and stepped away, already fading at the edges. Poe reached for her, and she shook her head. “Don’t fight. It’s waiting for you.”

                “What is?” Poe asked.

                His mother smiled.

                “Your life,” she said, and disappeared completely.

                Poe woke up.

                <> 

                Poe was much warmer than he had expected to be, and that confused him until he finally managed to open his eyes and see the reason for it.

                Karé was sitting to his right, leaning forward in her chair to rest her upper body on the mattress, and Iolo was on his left in a similar position. Both of Poe’s hands were held in one each of theirs and their body heat was radiating into him. Jess was perched precariously on the end of the bed with her knees drawn up, her butt on one side of Poe’s legs and her socked feet on the other, leaning against the footboard of the bed with her upper arm resting along the top of it and her head in her hand. Beyond the bed and to the right was Temmin, in a comfortable chair, his legs stretched out in front of him and his head to one side, resting on a small cushion that was wedged between his cheek and shoulder.

                All four of them were sound asleep.

                Poe smiled to himself as he looked at them all, and felt very loved. He carefully adjusted his hands so that he was holding Iolo and Karé’s hands properly, but was careful to do it so it wouldn’t wake them. He was just considering the flaws in this position and how he now couldn’t call for a medic, when one walked in, carrying a glass of water as if they’d read his mind.

                It was Iero, the base’s one Keshian nurse. Iero smiled when xe saw that Poe was awake, and held up the glass.

                “Thirsty?”

                “Hell yes,” Poe whispered hoarsely. Iero held the straw for him so he could drink easily, and for a second Poe was overcome with déjà vu, but he couldn’t remember when this kind of thing would have happened before. He was still so tired.

                “You have quite the welcoming committee here,” Iero said mildly, keeping xyr voice pitched low, so as not to wake the sleeping pilots.

                “They’re not doing a very good job,” Poe replied when he’d had enough to drink, the fond smile on his face as he looked again at his friends contradicting his words.

                “I know, they’ve all fallen asleep on you!” Iero shook xyr head in mock disappointment, placing the water on the small table by the bed, and glanced up at the monitor to check his vitals.

                “Yeah, how rude,” Poe murmured, his eyelids heavy. A moment later he forced them open again.

                The Keshian saw the effort and quickly checked his pupils. Satisfied with the results, xe smiled again. “You were in an induced coma for a couple of days; we just pulled you out of it. But you’re all good, so you can go back to sleep if you want.”

                “I do want,” Poe agreed. Already only half-conscious, he gratefully let his eyes slip shut again, only to open them once more a second later. “Iero, I saw my mother.”

                Iero raised xyr eyebrows. “Yeah?”

                “Yeah,” Poe murmured, eyes slipping shut yet again. “She said she’s proud of me.”

                “I bet she is.” Iero squeezed his shoulder. “You should go back to sleep.”

                Poe nodded minutely, too far gone to be able to do it properly. “’Kay. Goodnight.”

                “Goodnight,” Iero replied, even though xe knew Poe probably couldn’t hear xem. Xe checked Poe’s vitals one more time, and then left the five pilots to their sleep.

                <> 

                Karé was the only one left at Poe’s bedside when Snap returned to the room in the early hours of the morning. She greeted him with a tired smile. “Hey, you.”

                “Hey,” he replied, running a hand over his face. “How’s our commander doing?”

                “Iero said he came out of the coma a few hours ago, before you woke up. He’s just sleeping now. Xe thinks we’re past the worst, and it’ll be all smooth sailing from here.”

                Temmin exhaled in relief as he moved over to Karé’s side. “That’s good to hear. I just wish I knew what happened to him.”

                “The General didn’t tell you anything?”

                Temmin shook his head. “I know he found Lor San Tekka somewhere out in the Western Reaches, but that’s the extent of my knowledge. Honestly, I don’t think Leia knows either; Poe wasn’t in any shape to tell anyone anything when he got back, and he’s been asleep since then.”

                Karé leaned her head against his hip and sighed. “It’ll be a ridiculous tale full of bravado and miraculous escapes, no doubt.”

                Snap chuckled, bringing a hand up around Karé’s shoulder. “Naturally. He knows we’d be disappointed with anything less.”

                “Mm. Where’d you go, just now?”

                Snap sighed. “Summons from the General.”

                Karé lifted her head and craned her neck to look up at him. “Duty calls?”

                “Recon,” Snap replied with a nod. “Statura and the General have a lead on the location of the First Order’s base; I’m going to go check it out.”

                “That sounds very secret. Are you allowed to be telling me this?”

                “I am. And you are allowed to also tell Jess and Iolo, and Poe when he wakes up. Just in case…you know.”

                “I know.” Karé stood with a nod of her own and pulled him into a hug. “Fly safe.”

                “I’ll try. Look after Poe for me,” Temmin replied. “Good luck on your date, too, if I’m not back before it happens.”

                “Thanks.”

                They kissed once, briefly, and it contained all the other words they didn’t need to say to each other.

                “May the Force be with you,” Karé murmured when they drew apart. Snap nodded, and then turned to leave, pausing only to squeeze Poe’s hand in wordless farewell on the way out.

                Karé watched him go, and then turned back to Poe, who had slept soundly through the whole exchange. 

                “Guess that means I have to love you and leave you too,” she whispered to him, bending down to kiss him on the forehead. “Someone’s gotta go keep your pilots in line.”

                Poe’s only response was to stir ever so slightly. Karé smiled at him, and then went to try and fill his shoes.

                <> 

                The next time Poe woke up it was daytime; the warm presences at his feet and sides were gone, and he couldn’t hear Temmin’s snoring, so the four other pilots must have had to go to work. That was okay with Poe. He was properly conscious and lucid for the first time since being on the _Finalizer,_ and feeling a little disoriented because of that. He was glad to just lie quietly by himself for a few minutes.

                When he’d adjusted to being awake again, he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, gritting his teeth at the full-body ache that assaulted him. His right hip and thigh were burning and his ribs hurt, but it was all a strange kind of pseudo-phantom pain, as if there was something masking it that was only wearing off on the edges – and if the sad, pineapple-adjacent taste in his mouth was anything to go by, that was exactly the case.

                The pineapple taste was faint, though, so he didn’t think he’d been put in a bacta tank, thank the Force. He disliked it immensely; the bandages were bad enough, and he’d almost rather heal slowly and painfully than willingly go into a tank full of the stuff. The euphoria it induced was not worth the comedown. At least said comedown would be relatively mild, since as far as he could tell he’d only been treated with the lotion and bandages, not the fluid itself.

                Poe looked around at the room and noted that he was in the main part of the medcentre, which meant he must have been in the ICU until now. None of the other beds were occupied, which was extremely surprising, but Poe decided to count his blessings. He had absolutely no idea how long he’d been asleep, but it felt like years and he almost couldn’t believe he was still tired. No, ‘tired’ was too mild a word: it was sheer, bone-deep _exhaustion_ that he could almost feel in his very soul.

                Thanks to the numbing effect of the bacta and whatever drugs they had him on, Poe couldn’t quite tell where he was injured, or how, and he resolved to stay awake until a medic came in and could tell him. He still had the IV line in his arm, so he knew he’d been pretty badly dehydrated, at least. A few seconds later Poe heard the door slide open and looked up expecting to see a nurse, but instead his gaze found Leia Organa.

                She smiled, the relief plainly visible on her face, and approached the bed. “It is so good to see you awake again, Poe. How do you feel?”

                Poe thought about it.

                “Alive,” he settled on.

                Leia nodded, a corner of her mouth turning upwards. “Well, that’s something.”

                Poe wished this light-hearted moment could continue indefinitely, but knew it couldn’t. He licked his lips and looked at her seriously. “General, I was unsuccessful in my mission.”

                Leia sighed and pulled up a chair. “I thought as much. What happened, Poe? You said you were nearly done, and the next thing I heard there’d been an attack on Tuanul and Lor San Tekka was dead.”

                Poe took a deep breath and launched into the story. “He gave me the map right before the First Order attacked. I tried to leave but some troopers got lucky and shot out my engines, so I gave the map to BB-8 with instructions to get off Jakku as soon as possible. It got away before anyone saw, I’m sure of it.”

                He swallowed. “By the time I found a vantage point they’d rounded up the villagers and Kylo Ren was questioning Lor San Tekka. I don’t think Lor San told him anything because Ren… pulled out his lightsaber and killed him. Just… sliced him in half, like he was nothing, like he wasn’t even a _person_. And I didn’t think, I just raised my blaster and shot at him, at Kylo Ren. But he sensed it, and used the Force to halt the blast.” Poe laughed once, mirthlessly. “He used it to halt me too.”

                Leia was still listening in silence. Poe passed his hands over his face and swallowed hard, forcing himself to continue, forcing his voice to stay level.

                “Two troopers grabbed me, and once they ascertained that the map wasn’t on me, they…took me on board. Even though I didn’t have it, they knew that I knew where it was, so they…they tortured me for…hours, days? I lost track. I didn’t tell them anything, so they-” Poe’s voice cracked and he broke off, taking a deep breath to steady himself enough to carry on. His hands were trembling and he clasped them tighter in his lap.

                “They sent Kylo Ren in. And he…” Poe made himself look at the General, knowing he owed it to her to look her in the eyes when he told her this. “He used the Force to get into my head. And then he was right there, in my mind, everywhere in my mind. I’ve never felt anything like it.”

                Part of him was desperate to close his eyes and shut out the entire world, but he tamped down the urge and kept eye contact with Leia. “I tried to keep him out, to resist, but I couldn’t, he kept pushing further and further in, and in the end I told him what I did with the map just so he would _stop_. Just so the pain would stop.” He finished quietly, and finally let himself look away.

                He didn’t know what he had expected, but Leia standing and wrapping her arms around him wasn’t it. His arms came up reflexively to return the embrace. She was stroking his hair, like his mother always used to, and even though he knew there wasn’t anything more he could have done against Kylo Ren’s interrogation, he still felt like he had let her down.

                “Lo siento.”

                “Shhh,” Leia murmured. “That you tried is all I could ever ask for, Poe. It’s almost impossible to resist a mind probe like that, even for someone who _can_ use the Force.”

                Poe noticed his eyes were prickling and blinked the feeling away, nodding in acknowledgement of the General’s words. A few moments later Leia’s grip loosened and Poe let the hug end.

                Leia sat down again and gently folded Poe's right hand between both of hers. “What happened next?”

                Poe picked up the story at being rescued by a rogue trooper, of stealing a TIE-fighter, of heading back to Jakku and being shot out of the sky. He told her about waking up alone, and walking, and eventually meeting Naka Iit and Ohn Gos, and being taken to the old trader who had fought in the Rebellion and owed his life to Poe’s mother.

                Leia nodded. “I spoke to him after he arrived with you. It was a stroke of luck that he knew who you were and owed your mother some favours.”

                Poe ran his free hand through his hair. “Yeah, it saved me a trip up the galaxy. I originally asked him to take me home, but he knew that I'd be in the Resistance and really needed to come straight back here.” He sighed. “But I don’t know what good it’s done, because I have no idea where BB-8 is now. Hopefully it listened and got off planet, but who knows. I’m sorry I let you down. I wish I had the map with me to give you.”

                Leia shook her head. “You haven’t let me down, Poe. I haven’t heard any reports of the First Order having the map, so there’s still a chance that we’ll get to BB-8 before they do. That’s what we need to focus on now. l’ll get C-3PO to monitor BB-8’s long range sensors, and _you_ need to get better so we can get you back up in the sky. And then we can find Luke and give those First Order bastards the hell they deserve.”

                Poe couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Yes, sir.”

                Leia patted his knee and stood up. “I’m going to want to hear more about this rogue Stormtrooper of yours, but that can wait. I’ll leave you to your rest.”

                “Thank you, General.”

                Leia smiled fondly at him one last time and took her leave. The smile had been genuine, but Poe saw the shadows in her eyes, and he knew she was unsettled by what he’d told her. It was no secret to him that she wanted so much to believe that Kylo Ren still had good in him, and Poe wanted it to be true too, for her sake. He just wasn’t sure it could be true, not after what he’d seen, what he’d suffered. But he would never begrudge the General her hope.

                The door slid shut behind Leia and Poe slumped gratefully against the pillows, gritting his teeth and regretting all his life choices when that made his ribs hurt, and closed his eyes to wait for the nurse.


	4. elsewhere in the galaxy: an interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe Dameron made it through the crash and back to the Resistance base alive, but not everyone knows it yet.
> 
> A short extra scene featuring BB-8, The Jacket, Finn, Han, Chewie, Rey, and a question no one likes the answer to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the idea that Poe has known Han and Leia his whole life, thanks to the actions of his parents during and after the Battle of Endor, and when I started writing this story I started imagining what it would have been like if it was canon, and addressed in this part of the film. Since none of these characters will appear again in this fic, I haven't added their character tags.

           "Alright," Solo said, turning back to Finn and Rey once BB-8 had stored the map once more. "You have the droid, and the jacket. So where's Poe Dameron?"

            Finn blinked. Solo had known Poe? The galaxy was apparently much smaller than it looked.

             "Our ship crashed," he said with a sigh. "I helped him escape from the First Order because I also wanted to get away but needed a pilot to do it. It took us too long to get clear and instead of leaving the system he was taking us back to Jakku so he could get BB-8, and they shot us down. It knocked Poe unconscious. I ejected, and when I got to the wreckage I found his jacket but there was a lot of smoke and I couldn't see well enough into the cockpit to get to him. And then the ship got swallowed by the sand and...exploded."

             Han sat down heavily, a frown halfway between shock and disbelief on his face. "Poe Dameron is dead?"

             Finn could only nod in silence.

             "Ah, jeez." Han passed a hand over his face. "What a way to make a bad day worse."

             "You knew him?" Finn asked, not wanting to upset Han further but needing to know how all of this was connected.

             "I've known him since he was born," said Solo. "His parents fought with us in the Rebellion."

             Chewie put a hand on Han’s shoulder and gave a soft, mournful moan.

             "Yeah," agreed Han. "He was a damn fine kid."

             BB-8 rolled up to Han and nudged his leg, and Solo patted the droid on the head in commiseration.

             Finn looked at the floor, wishing that there had been something else he could have done to save Poe. Poe was the first person in Finn's life who could be called a friend, even though they’d only known each other for a short time. There was Rey now, too, but Poe had been the first person to treat Finn like he was also a person, and held a special place in Finn’s heart because of that. He must have been every bit as extraordinary as he seemed for the infamous Han Solo and Chewbacca to be so visibly upset by his death; in front of a couple of strangers, no less.

             Rey scooted closer and put an arm around Finn’s shoulder, offering him a consoling smile when he looked up at her, and the five of them sat in respectful silence until the ship started beeping their approach to a planet.

             Han stood up, his ‘grumpy old smuggler’ mask back in place, and headed into the cockpit. The others followed him, but Finn hung back until everyone else had passed, feeling more than ever like an intruder.

             The jacket sat heavy on his shoulders. Finn felt the emptiness of the friendship that would now never be, and wondered how it was possible to miss something he never had.


	5. lose control, you're not alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet! You’re welcome XD

                Poe closed his eyes for what he thought would be five minutes, and slept for another nine hours. It was evening when he woke up again, and he opened his eyes onto Dr Kalonia’s smiling face.

                “Good to see you again, Poe,” she said.

                “Hi, Major,” he replied, his voice coming out in a croak. He cleared his throat. “What time is it?”

                “Time for the fun part,” Dr Kalonia replied, and pulled the IV line out of Poe’s arm.

                “Ow!” Poe exclaimed, even though it hadn’t actually hurt that much.

                Dr Kalonia rolled her eyes, and Poe could see her fighting back a smile as she said "It’s 1905 hours.”

                “How many days have I been here?”

                “You arrived on Taungsday afternoon, remained in the coma we put you in until Zhellday night, woke up on your own this morning, and then slept all day.” Dr Kalonia picked up her datapad and tapped in some information. “It's Benduday, if you lost track.”

                Two and a half days. Not bad, all things considered. Poe lay still for a moment, gathering enough strength to sit up as he watched the Major update his file. “What’s the verdict?”

                Dr Kalonia made a show of swiping through the file on her datapad. “Hmmm…I suppose you’ll live.”

                Poe paused in the middle of elbowing himself upright to grin at her. “Well, that’s good news.”

                “Depends how you look at it,” Dr Kalonia replied dryly, setting aside the datapad and moving forward to help him sit up.

                “What happened? I mean, I remember how I _got here_ ,” Poe added when Dr Kalonia gave him an incredulous look. “I meant, what’s the damage?”

                “Ah.” The doctor made sure Poe was settled against the pillows, and retrieved the scanner. She switched it on and showed him how he’d been injured, and what they had done to fix it all. The shrapnel wounds had closed and wouldn’t need to be re-wrapped in a bacta bandage after the one currently covering them was removed, but his ribs still needed another day. The lacerations on his back had almost healed completely, having spent as much time wrapped in the miracle bandages as his ribs had, and being less severe in the first place. However, Dr Kalonia wanted to keep treating those with bacta lotion even after the bandages came off, to prevent them from scarring too badly and impeding his ability to pilot an X-wing.

                Other than that, he only had a few scratches left on his face which Dr Kalonia had cleaned and left mostly alone, since they would heal up in a week on their own anyway, and she knew how much Poe disliked bacta.

                Now that he was awake and could hold an extended conversation, Dr Kalonia was able to ask him how each injury had occurred, and when. Since they were all mostly healed it was purely for the benefit of Poe’s medical record and Dr Kalonia’s own curiosity. Poe was grateful that she was only concerned with his physical injuries, which allowed him to gloss over the mind probe part and avoid re-living it yet again.

                When Poe got to the part about Finn and the stolen TIE fighter, Dr Kalonia covered her face with her hand. “One day you’re going to come back here with a totally mundane story of how you managed to return, and we’re all going to die of astonishment.”

                Poe grinned again. “I swear it’s true.”

                “Mm-hmm,” Dr Kalonia replied, not sounding at all convinced. “At any rate, you’re going to be fine. I’ll give you some more painkillers in a moment, and I want to keep you here on bedrest for two more nights.”

                She moved over to the monitor by the bed to look at the readings, and Poe sighed quietly to himself. Two more nights in the medcentre, great.

                Then a thought struck him.

                “Major…”

                “Yes?”

                “If I do what you tell me and not overexert myself, can I…go back to my room? Instead of staying here? I promise I’ll rest,” he added when Dr Kalonia levelled him with a Look, “I just really want to have a real shower, and put on some real clothes, and sleep in my own bed. Please.”

                It was Dr Kalonia’s turn to sigh. She considered him for a moment, and Poe forced himself to hold her gaze.

                “Were you anyone else I would have already released you, Commander. But I’m not quite sure I can trust you to take care of yourself.”

                “Hey!” Poe frowned at her, offended, but the Look was back and he folded under the pressure of it. “Alright, fine. I acknowledge that I hardly ever do what you tell me and usually end up reinjuring myself as a result. But I won’t this time.”

                There was a tense moment in which Poe was sure that she would refuse. “Please, Major.”

                “…Alright,” she conceded eventually. Poe breathed a sigh of relief. “But,” she warned, “there are conditions and you _will_ follow them.”

                “Anything.”

                “You are to stay in your room, and I mean it. Don’t think about going back to work. Don’t even leave to go to the mess hall. On Centaxday morning I want you back here for a checkup, and then I’ll decide whether or not you’re fit to go back on duty.”

                Poe frowned at being literally confined to his room, but he was sure he’d spend most of the time asleep anyway, so it wasn’t much of an issue. Not being able to go to the mess hall wasn’t an issue either: he had no doubt that his friends would insist on feeding him whether he was able to leave the room or not. “Alright. Anything else?”

                “Your bandages need to be changed twice a day. I’ll send a medidroid over in the morning and again tomorrow evening to help you with that. Don’t do anything strenuous, when I say bedrest I mean bedrest. And one last thing.”

                “Yes?”

                “I’m not going to discharge you without a chaperone. I don’t want you passing out in a corridor or slipping in the shower with no one around to help you.”

                That was a fair point. Poe nodded, and was just wondering who would be the best person to call when movement behind Dr Kalonia caught his eye. He glanced at the doorway, grinning at the sight of the person coming through it. “Oh look, Iolo is here! Isn’t that good timing.”

                “Uh-oh, what have I walked into now?” Iolo said, adjusting the bundle of clothing in his arms as he approached the bed.

                “Dr Kalonia is going to let me serve my bedrest sentence out in my room, but she won’t discharge me if I’m alone,” Poe said. “In case I slip in the shower or something. Fortunately, you are just in time to be my chaperone.”

                Iolo put a finger on his lips and made a show of considering this proposal. “Keep an eye on you while you’re naked and soaking wet?” He heaved a sigh. “That is a difficult task, but I will gladly undertake it for the good of the Resistance.”

                Poe rolled his eyes. “Smack him for me?” he said to Dr Kalonia, who was trying to hold back a grin.

                “Sorry, that goes against my oath as a medical practitioner.”

                Iolo grinned innocently at Poe, who mock-glared at his friend in return. Dr Kalonia gave Poe the next dose of painkillers and a separate set of drugs to ease him through the bacta comedown, and told him he was free to go. She and Iolo helped him off the bed, and Iolo draped the bundle of cloth he’d been carrying around Poe’s shoulders. As Poe put his arms through the sleeves, he realised it was one of Snap’s dressing gowns.

                “I brought it because I thought you might be cold in here,” Iolo replied when Poe shot him a questioning glance. “And now it’s going to save you the embarrassment from walking through the halls in a medcentre gown.”

                Poe smiled and pulled the dressing gown tight across his body, snuggling into its warmth. It was far too big, but that didn’t matter. “Does Snap know you’re stealing his clothes?”

                “He won’t mind,” Iolo replied, hooking an arm around Poe’s waist and leading him towards the door. “You do it all the time anyway.”

                “Mmm, that’s true. I do.”

                Dr Kalonia handed Iolo a package of bandages and lotion for when Poe got out of the shower, and Poe thanked her with an awkward one-armed hug, and then they began the slow journey to Poe’s quarters.

                <>

                Hot water had never felt so good. It stung a bit as it ran over his injuries, but the painkillers Dr Kalonia had given him were starting to kick in and Poe wasn't too concerned with the pain anyway. Medcentre sonics just couldn't compare to actual water, and it was nice to start feeling human again after spending one week in the desert and the next in hospital.

                Poe stood motionless under the spray for a few minutes, letting the water wash away the remnants of what happened on the _Finalizer_ that were still clinging to his mind. He imagined the torture as so much sand, clinging to his hair only to be displaced by the water, running down his back and legs until it was washed down the drain. It was over, he was free.

                Poe's mind strayed to thoughts of Finn as he washed his hair, and he wondered what had happened to the other man. When Poe had come to after being knocked unconscious the first time he'd felt an absence at his back and had known immediately that Finn had ejected. Poe had barely managed to bring the ship into some semblance of a landing before blacking out again, and even now he wasn't sure whether he'd pressed his own eject button or if the impact of the landing had simply thrown him from the wreckage.

                He hoped that Finn was alive and well, that he had walked away from the crash and was still managing to elude the First Order. It would be nice to see him again, but the galaxy was a big place and Poe didn't think that was likely to happen. Although, he supposed, there was always a chance that Finn had encountered BB-8 and was on his way to the base even as Poe stood there in the shower considering it. Stranger things had happened.

                All thoughts of lost friends were driven out of Poe's head when, having washed his hair with no problems, he lathered up his shower puff and tried to bend down to start washing his legs.

                His stiff muscles protested the movement loudly and at length. Poe's curse of frustration summoned Iolo to the fresher immediately, and he hovered nervously outside the shower stall. “Poe? Are you alright?”

                Poe rested his head against the shower wall, breathing through the spike of discomfort. “No,” he sighed. Pushing off the wall, he turned and pulled the curtain aside. “I can't bend. Can you help?”

                “Yeah, sure, give me a minute.”

                Poe let the curtain fall back into place and moved back. A few moments later it opened again and Iolo stepped into the stall, sans clothes. Poe handed him the shower puff and put a hand against the wall for balance as Iolo crouched down. When the Keshian straightened up Poe leant his head on Iolo's shoulder, and the other pilot reached around to gently wash Poe's back for him. Poe let his eyes slip closed, already feeling tired and relaxed in the warmth of the stall, safe with Iolo there to hold him up.

                It was nice, showering with someone else; he hadn't had the opportunity to do it in ages. Sex was great but he liked this kind of quiet, easy intimacy just as much. Even though it had been a few years since he and Iolo had decided to not be boyfriends and go back to being just friends, they were still close enough that being naked in each other's presence was as comfortable as it had been when they were together.

                “Good thing you were prepared to make this great sacrifice,” he murmured, feeling the Keshian's quiet answering chuckle more than hearing it.

                “It's not so bad after all,” Iolo replied. “You sound sleepy.”

                “Yeah. Kalonia's got me on the good drugs. They knock me right out.”

                Iolo finished with Poe's left arm and squeezed the puff out. “Well we're all done here. Out you get, I'll help you dry off.”

                Poe nodded and stepped out of the shower first, leaving Iolo to turn the water off. He grabbed his towel and made it as far as wrapping it around his shoulders before the Keshian was there, gently moving his hands away.

                “I could probably manage _this_ on my own,” Poe pointed out as Iolo towelled him off.

                “I'm sure you could,” the Keshian replied. “But maybe I just want an excuse to feel you up.”

                “Typical,” Poe grumbled good-naturedly. “Taking advantage of your commanding officer when he's vulnerable.”

                “Ah, but you're not my commanding officer anymore.”

                “I'm not your squadron leader,” Poe corrected. “But I _am_ official command staff, which technically does make me your CO.”

                Iolo airily waved a hand. “Semantics.”

                He wrapped the towel around Poe's waist and tucked the corner in, frowning slightly as his fingers ghosted over the shrapnel scars on Poe's hip. Poe glanced down and took Iolo's hand in his own.

                “I'm okay,” he said, tilting his head in an attempt to meet the Keshian's eyes. “It's over, I'm okay. Promise.”

                “Yeah?”

                “Yeah.” A second later, one corner of Poe's mouth quirked upwards wryly and he shrugged a shoulder. “Mostly.”

                Iolo still looked unconvinced so Poe pulled him into a hug. The Keshian immediately returned the embrace, holding as tightly as he could without making Poe uncomfortable.

                “When I saw you after you'd come back, I was terrified,” Iolo admitted. “I'd never seen you hurt that badly before. And when Snap told me your heart had stopped...” The Keshian cut himself off and took a deep breath. “I don't want to lose you. None of us want that.”

                “I know. I don't want that either.”

                Iolo’s fingers brushed lightly over the scars on Poe’s back, tracing the ridges across his skin. “Poe, what did they do to you?”

                Poe tightened his embrace for a moment, and then pulled away until their only contact was Iolo’s hands in his. “I will tell you, but I can't right now. I've already relived it twice today with the General and Dr Kalonia, and I would rather tell the rest of you all at once than have to go over it separately with everyone.”

                Iolo nodded. “That’s fair enough.”

                Poe squeezed Iolo’s hands and then dropped them, moving over to the sink to clean his teeth as Iolo dried himself off and put his clothes back on. Once back in Poe’s room, Iolo spread the bacta lotion over Poe’s injuries, and then dressed them for him. By the time he’d helped Poe into his pyjamas, the pilot was swaying on his feet.

                “Do you want something to eat?”

                “No,” Poe replied around a yawn. “I just want to go back to sleep.”

                “Okay.”

                “Thanks,” Poe murmured as Iolo gently guided him to the bed. “For everything.”

                “That’s what I’m here for,” Iolo replied, pulling the bedclothes up and straightening them out around Poe’s form. “Do you want me to stay?”

                Poe shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”

                “Okay.” Iolo leaned down and kissed Poe on the cheek. “Goodnight.”

                “G’night.”

                Iolo turned the lights off before he went, throwing the room into darkness except for the square of light from the hallway beaming across the floor to the opposite wall. Poe watched Iolo’s shadow on the wall through half-lidded eyes as the Keshian stood and left the room.

                When the door slid shut behind him, BB-8’s charging station was revealed behind where Iolo’s shadow had been. Poe jerked slightly in alarm because it was empty, and then he remembered that BB-8 was elsewhere. He closed his eyes in an attempt to quash the pang of sadness that washed over him, but the standby lights were still visible on the insides of his eyelids. With effort, resolutely imagining that those lights were stars, he turned onto his other side, pressed his face into the pillow, and reached for dreamless oblivion.

                <>

                Poe woke to the sound of a datapad beeping intermittently, and rolled over to find the end of his bed colonised by one Jessika Pava, sitting cross-legged, holding a container of fruit salad in one hand and tapping something out on the datapad with the other. Poe rubbed a hand over his face, and when he looked up again Jess was grinning at him.

                “Morning, loser.”

                “You’re a loser,” Poe shot back, the exchange familiar and without any real bite. Jess grinned at him again and munched on a cube of melon.

                Poe sat up and watched this with more than a little envy. He was _starving_. “Bring any of that for me?”

                “Sure did,” Jess replied, picking up a second container and tossing it up the bed to him.

                “I take it back,” Poe said. “You’re not a loser, you’re a lifesaver.” He pulled the lid off and unfolded the plastic fork that came with it, using the tiny utensil to attack the fruit salad with gusto.

                “I know. I have something else for you too.” She handed over a pile of cards and sheets of flimsi, with a datacard on top. “Recordings of the episodes of _Galactic Designs_ that you missed while you were away, and your fanmail.”

                “Fanmail?”

                Jess speared a piece of pineapple and put it in her mouth. “Yep.”

                Poe frowned, a little bemused, and opened the card on top of the pile. It was from Mason, his X-wing tech, and contained well wishes for a speedy recovery. A cursory glance through the rest of the cards and notes revealed that they were all get well soon messages, from a vast majority of people on the base from fellow pilots to service staff and even a few of the Admirals. Poe sniffed, blinking back the moisture that was suddenly obscuring his vision.

                Poe gathered up the messages and placed them carefully on his nightstand. “I might, uh, read those later,” he said. “When I’m alone.”

                Jess nodded. “Good plan.”

                Poe picked his fruit salad back up and ate a grape. “So, hey, was Karé’s big date last night or have I lost more time than I thought?”

                “No, it was last night. Just wait until you hear about it, oh boy.”

                “Bad?”

                “ _Oh_ yeah. But I’m not going to tell you anything else, because she’s gonna tell you over lunch.”

                “Excellent, I’m looking forward to it.” He poked through his breakfast, searching for another grape. “If you and Iolo have already fulfilled your babysitting duty, and Karé has me for lunch, does that mean it’s Snap’s turn tonight for dinner?”

                “Sure,” Jess replied, her tone just a bit too nonchalant all of a sudden. “If he’s back by then.”

                Poe’s head snapped up, his heart beginning to beat a little too fast. “Back? Where’d he go?”

                “On a mission.” Jess stabbed a large cube of melon and shoved it all in her mouth, even though it was too big to fit comfortably.

                Poe refrained from rolling his eyes and forced his heart to calm down while he waited for Jess to be finished with that piece of melon. She was chewing intentionally slowly, but he was patient.

                “What’s the mission?” he asked as soon as she’d swallowed, before she could put any more fruit in her mouth and thus get away with not answering. “Jess, come on.”

                She sighed, knowing she’d have to tell him one way or another. “He’s been sent to find and collect data on the First Order’s base. But,” she added hastily, before any more colour could drain out of Poe’s face, “He hasn’t had any problems so far and he sent a transmission through a contact on Hosnian Prime late last night, saying he’d returned to the Colonies and is on his way back here. He should arrive tonight, as long as he doesn’t get into trouble, and he probably won’t now that he’s back in Republic space.”

                Poe inhaled deeply, acknowledging the anxiety curling behind his sternum, and imagined it dissipating as he exhaled. Snap could handle himself, and Jess was right, he was on the safest stretch of the journey now. Poe knew that his own very recent experience of the First Order was skewing his perspective. He’d made it back more-or-less in one piece, and he’d been right in their grasp. By comparison, the danger of a recon mission, though still significant, was relatively small. Temmin would be fine. And if he wasn’t, there were a large number of friendly planets in the Colonies and Mid Rim that would give him any aid he needed and see him safely returned.

                “He’ll be fine,” Jess said, echoing Poe’s thoughts.

                Poe nodded. “I know. I know that. Just…”

                “Yeah.” Jess reached down and patted Poe’s blanket-covered foot. “They got you and you're worried they'll get him too. I get it.”

                They ate in companionable silence for a few moments, until Jess’s datapad beeped from where it had fallen, ignored, onto the blankets. Jess glanced at the message on the screen and sighed, finishing off the last of her fruit salad in one mouthful. “I have to go to work, I’m already late.”

                She patted his foot again and stood up, then leant forward to muss his hair. Poe frowned at her, receiving an innocent grin in return. “I’ll see you later,” she said. “Love you.”

                “Bye, love you too,” Poe replied as she headed towards the door. With one last wave, she was gone, leaving Poe to his breakfast and his get well messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I have learnt: everything has a stupid name in the Star Wars universe. Paper is called “flimsi”. What the actual fuck.
> 
> Some minor details:  
> -Jess is able to be in Poe's room before he's awake because she's his next door neighbour and their rooms adjoin through the bathroom.  
> - _Galactic Designs_ is a space version of the UK show [Grand Designs](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0421099/), which I think Poe would really enjoy. This opinion is based purely on the design of Kes and Shara's house from the end of _Shattered Empire_ , and a potential headcanon I have that Kes and Shara were _on_ the show when Poe was a baby.


	6. I know your soul; I'll be your home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven’t seen Oscar with really curly hair then you’re missing out, because [it's adorable](http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/sucker-punch/images/3/34/Oscar-isaac-280x420.jpg). (In the interrogation scene in TFA you can kind of see that that’s how his hair naturally (?) is, and I like the idea that the Amazing Poe Dameron Hair is actually not something that just miraculously happens, contrary to popular belief among the Resistance)
> 
> D’Qar isn’t that far from Naboo, so I figure the members of the Resistance would go there for things like dates with people they meet who aren’t in/don’t know about the Resistance, or if they had vacation time, or whatever. Also we’re just going to assume that people in the Star Wars verse use the same words for their sexualities as we do, okay? Okay.
> 
> Not a lot happens in this chapter but it got away from me a bit and is already as long as all the others, so I decided to split it. Snap comes back in the next chapter, promise.

            Not long after Jess left, a medidroid arrived to give Poe a checkup, and left after pronouncing that he no longer needed either bandages or medical-grade painkillers and could make the switch to taking regular painkillers; they weren’t as good, but the anti-comedown drugs Kalonia had given him would fill any gaps in their effectiveness. His ribs were 99% healed, according to the droid, and all he needed was the lotion and bedrest to take him the rest of the way.  
  
            Poe was glad for it. He’d been feeling a bit weird with all of the various medicines in his bloodstream, and was looking forward to being- well, _less_ chemically enhanced. Left to his own devices once more, Poe took his medicine and headed into the fresher, and as he washed his hands he looked at himself in a mirror for the first time in forever. It wasn’t a pretty sight.  
  
            There were bags under his eyes and his skin was not its usual colour, which was made more obvious by the presence of bruising around the cuts on his cheek and temple. His hair had dried into unruly tight curls, having been left to dry on its own without being brushed or styled properly, and he was sporting the quite impressive beginnings of a beard. He considered shaving, then decided that he couldn’t be bothered. He was only going to stay in bed all day, after all.  
  
            He splashed some water on his face and leaned in closer to the mirror to inspect the split on his lip. It was healing well, but wasn’t quite there yet, and his lips were also very dry, and flaking. He gently took hold of one flake and pulled, and it peeled off easily in a long, white strip. He made a face and licked his lips to quench the urge to pull off all of the dry skin, and opened the cabinet to see if Jess had any spare lip balm. She didn’t; he’d have to ask her for some when she got back from work.  
  
            Poe appraised his reflection one last time, and decided it could be worse. So what if he looked tired? He was gloriously, miraculously _alive_. Against all of the odds, even though his mission went as bad as it could possibly have gone, he was alive – thanks to one rogue Stormtrooper with a heart of solid gold. He hoped he would get a chance to properly thank Finn for that.  
  
            He felt fine for now, apart from the expected exhaustion, and room arrest was no excuse to be a slob, so after he left the fresher he made the bed and changed out of his pyjamas. He dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a black jumper that he had borrowed from Snap and never gave back, then pulled on some warm socks and wrapped himself in Snap’s dressing gown. He took a moment to breathe in the scent of it, finding it comforting even in the face of his worry, then made himself comfortable on top of the bed and reached for the messages that Jess had given him earlier.  
  
            Poe didn’t really blame himself for what had happened, or even for cracking under the pain of Kylo Ren’s interrogation. In spite of that, he had been feeling like he’d let everyone down by returning to the base without the map. But as he read through the messages, a tangible confirmation that no one else thought he’d let them down, he felt overwhelmed by all the love they contained and found himself getting more than a little teary. Even though his mission had been classified and no one knew details, anyone who had ever gone on a mission themselves would have known he failed just by the nature of his return. But there was no censure on the cards, only care and concern.  
  
            He let the tears fall, knowing that it would only help. It had been a rough few weeks and he hadn’t yet had any kind of real emotional outlet for anything that had happened to him. Once he’d read all of the messages and finally stopped crying, he stood up to place the cards around the room on whatever flat surface he could find. The messages that were written on plain flimsi instead of cards were stacked neatly and put in the first drawer of his nightstand. He looked around at his handiwork, cheerful cards everywhere in sight, and felt much better.  
  
            Poe grabbed the datacard Jess had given him and plugged it into his vidscreen, settling back onto the bed. There were five episodes of _Galactic Designs_ on the datacard, which was more than enough to take him to lunchtime. He glanced over at BB-8’s empty charging station as he waited for the first episode to load, and felt his good mood deflate slightly. It didn’t feel natural to be here on the base without BB-8. Poe had owned the little astromech for fifteen years and could count the amount of times they’d been apart on one hand. But none of those situations had been like this: he’d at least known where BB-8 was all of those times. It was the not knowing that was bothering him.  
  
            Poe snuggled into the warmth of the borrowed dressing gown, squashed the wave of worry over Snap’s wellbeing that rose in his chest, and watched as the image on his holovid screen changed and the _Galactic Designs_ intro music spread through the room. Pulling his knees up to his chest, Poe forcibly put his worry out of his mind and let himself be distracted by grand plans for beautiful houses.  
  
<>  
  
            Poe was most of the way through the fourth episode when there was a knock on the door. He paused the vid and stood up to answer it, and the door slid open to reveal one Karé Kun. Her face brightened at the sight of him.  
  
            “You look so much better!”  
  
            Poe raised his eyebrows and stifled an incredulous laugh. “Really?”  
  
            He stepped aside to let her in and she waved a hand as she passed him. “You didn’t see you when you first arrived. Believe me, this is a big improvement. I like your beard, by the way.”  
  
            “Thanks,” Poe replied. “I like your hair, how long has it been brown?”  
  
            Karé ran a hand over her tightly-braided hair, which she’d dyed a rich dark brown, something she did occasionally to take a break from her natural pale blonde. “Almost two weeks.”  
  
            Poe’s face creased into a deep frown.  
  
            Karé raised her eyebrows. “Ooh, what’s that face for?”  
  
            “No, nothing, it’s just that I woke up one night in the medcentre when you were all there too, and you were right next to me and I didn’t even notice your hair was brown.” He shook his head. “I must have been more out of it than I thought.”  
  
            “Mm, probably,” Karé agreed cheerfully, and then her expression sobered. She put the boxes she was carrying down on the desk and moved forward to wrap Poe in a hug. She didn’t need to tell him that she was glad he was alright, or how afraid she’d been of losing him. He knew.  
  
            The moment was broken when Karé's stomach growled, and they pulled apart, laughing.  
  
            “Hey, being you is hungry work,” Karé said, stepping over to the desk. “But before we have lunch, I have a present.”  
  
            She handed him the smaller of the boxes, which he opened to find a tube of lip balm, two bars of his favourite chocolate, and the latest instalment in a book series he and Karé shared a passionate love for. He pulled it out and set the box aside, taking a second to look at it before returning his gaze to Karé, eyes wide.  
  
            “Holy shit.”  
  
            “I know.”  
  
            “This is not out already.”  
  
            “It is.”  
  
            “Noooo.”  
  
            “Yep.” She nodded, nearly vibrating with excitement. “Early release!”  
  
            She grinned widely and Poe couldn’t help but return it. “Finally some good news,” he quipped. He hugged her again briefly. “I can’t wait to read it, thank you. For the other things too, I was thinking just this morning I’d have to steal some lip balm from Jess.”  
  
            “Don’t mention it,” she replied with a smile. “I’ve always got you covered.”  
  
            Poe gathered up the box’s contents and put them on his bedside table, except for the tube of lipbalm, which he put in the pocket of the dressing gown after applying some.  
  
            “There’s actually a story behind that book,” Karé said as she retrieved the second box from the desk, before joining Poe on the bed. This one was a thermal storage box, which unleashed the most glorious scent when she opened it. Poe was surprised his own stomach wasn’t growling.  
  
            “Your date?” Poe asked as he accepted a wrapped something from Karé.  
  
            She nodded and took out an identical wrapped parcel. “Jess told you?”  
  
            “Yep. She made it sound very exciting.”  
  
            “That’s one word for it,” Karé replied dryly, unwrapping her lunch. “Let me eat something first, and then I’ll tell you. I do not envy you your command, that’s for sure. I’ve only been covering for you since Snap left yesterday morning and I’m exhausted. I don’t know how you do it.”  
  
            “I’m used to it, I guess,” Poe replied. “And Snap and Mika help me out when they’re around – which doesn’t help you much, I know, since neither of them are right now. But I should be back at work tomorrow, if Dr Kalonia gives me the okay.”  
  
            “Good. You can have both of your squadrons back, and I’ll just stick with my little one.”  
  
            “Deal.” Poe grinned and unwrapped his own lunch, which was a generous sandwich on a soft bread roll, filled with still-warm roasted white meat, salad, and the chilli lime mayonnaise that he loved. It smelled better than anything had ever smelt in the history of the galaxy, and he wasted no time in taking as big a bite as he could manage.  
  
            “Caraya, this is so good,” he moaned when he’d swallowed the first bite.  
  
            He glanced up at Karé to find her looking at him with her eyebrows raised. “Would you like me to give you a moment alone with your sandwich?”  
  
            Poe laughed and shook his head. “No, no. I’ll control myself, I promise. I just haven’t eaten real food in _so long_.”  
  
            She chuckled and turned her attention to her own sandwich, which was the same except she’d opted for plain mayonnaise.  
  
            A few minutes later Poe crumpled up his empty sandwich wrapper, having inhaled the whole thing, and with complete accuracy, tossed it into the wastepaper basket on the other side of the room.  
  
            “Okay, tell me about your date.”  
  
            Karé rolled her eyes at him and put the last bite of her sandwich in her mouth. “Can’t even wait until I’ve finished, can you?” she asked, licking a drop of mayonnaise off her thumb.  
  
            “No,” Poe replied, even though she technically had finished. “Come on, tell me what happened. I’m gagging for it.”  
  
            Karé wiped her hands and settled in for the telling. “Okay, so, two things happened. The first should’ve made me realise that it wasn’t going to be a good night, but at the time it didn’t seem that bad so I brushed it off. It’s been a while since our first date, and the last time he saw me I still had blonde hair. So he obviously noticed that my hair was different this time, and he said it looked good, and so I said ‘thanks, it makes a bit of a change from my natural colour’, and then _he_ said, ‘yes it does. In actual fact, I think I like the brown on you more, it goes better with your _caramel skin_.’”  
  
            Poe covered his mouth with his hands. “Oh, he didn’t!”  
  
            Karé nodded. “He did.”  
  
            Poe grimaced. He’d been on the receiving end of similar “compliments” a few times, and knew that they rarely ever went over the way they’d been intended.  
  
            Karé went on. “That was my first clue. But I thought maybe it was possible that he didn’t know that comparing my skin colour to a food item is unbelievably creepy and not something I really enjoy. Plus, I’d just come off a security mission and then had to fly to Naboo to meet him so I was a little bit tired, and didn’t particularly want to have that conversation right then, so I just let it go and changed the subject.  
  
            “And that brings me to the second thing. You know how last time I went out with Ros I told him I was asexual, and explained what that meant, and it seemed like he took it well and was on board with it?”  
  
            When Poe nodded, she continued, “well, a little while into the date, after our food had arrived and we’d started eating and everything was going well despite the hiccup, he suddenly leans forward, trying to be casual, and says ‘so, I’ve been doing some research into…what you are.’ Those were his exact words: ‘what you are’. And I thought ‘oh boy, here we go,’ but then I thought that maybe he was just unsure about saying the word out loud or something, so I decided, again, to give him the benefit of the doubt.  
  
            “So I said, ‘oh, have you?’ and he nods at me, and is like ‘yeah, I was reading about how some people may think they don’t feel sexual attraction for anyone, but then they’ll meet someone and for some reason will feel it for them, even though they don’t feel it for anyone else. And some other people don’t usually feel sexual attraction, but can develop those feelings for people they’re emotionally close to.’”  
  
            Poe bit his lip. “Uh-oh.”  
  
            Karé nodded. “Oh yeah. It gets worse. I told him that I was aware that yes, that’s how it is for some asexual people, but before I could say that it’s not all of them, he was all like ‘well, have you maybe considered that you might, at some point, feel sexual attraction for me?’ And I’m sitting there, mentally facepalming so hard. I decided that the honest truth would be best so I said ‘honestly, no, this is only our second date so I hadn’t thought about that at all.’  
  
            “And he says, ‘well, how many dates will we have to go on for you to think about it?’ And the thing is that I wouldn’t have minded having a conversation about my sexuality – we would have had to have it sooner or later – except that he was so pushy, and starting to sound so offended by the very idea that I don’t want to sleep with him.”  
  
            Poe’s face creased in sympathy. “So what did you say?”  
  
            Karé sighed. “At this point I was mostly baffled, to tell you the truth. He’d seemed so cool about it last time, and I said that, and apparently, when I said ‘I’m asexual, that means I don’t want to have sex with you’, he ‘didn’t realise that meant I would never want to have sex with him’.”  
  
            “Oh, _come on_.”  
  
            “Yeah, my sentiments exactly. So then he starts with the ‘how are you going to know you don’t want it if you don’t try, maybe you just need to do it with the right person’ thing, and all I could think was, you don’t know my best friend, I could have the best sex of my life anytime I want to, I just _don’t want to_ -”  
  
            “Aww,” Poe interrupted, a hand on his heart, “I’m your best friend?”  
  
            “No, I was talking about Jess,” Karé quipped without missing a beat.  
  
            Poe frowned in mock outrage. “Well, that’s a bit rude.”  
  
            Karé poked her tongue out at him, grinned, and went on. “Anyway, before I could even answer his other stupid question, he asks me again how many dates it’ll take before I consider sex, and that was it. I was like, ‘you know what? It doesn’t matter, because we’re not going to have any more dates. Have a nice life.’ So I got up and started to walk away, and then – because last time I also told him that Snap and I have a thing – as I went, he shouts after me that I’m not going to escape so easily, because my other boyfriend is going to expect sex from me at some point so I might as well get used to the idea.”  
  
            “Oh, shit,” said Poe. “Please tell me you tore strips off him.”  
  
            Karé nodded. “I did. I got right up in that asshole’s face and said: ‘not that it’s any of your business, but my other boyfriend also has a wife and a sometimes-boyfriend of his own, so no, he’s never going to expect sex from me because that’s not what either of us need or want from our relationship. So why don’t you go fuck yourself, because I’m certainly not going to.”  
  
            Poe fell back into the pillows, laughing, not caring at all that it hurt. “Yes! You are magnificent. I really wish I could have been there.”  
  
            He grinned at Karé, who nodded to herself and smiled back. “It was good, I’m pretty proud of myself. A few people who overheard me cheered as I walked out, and then when I went to the counter to apologise for the disruption and tried to give the waitress the credits for my share of the meal, she waved me away and said I’d paid enough for the night with my time.”  
  
            “Nice.”  
  
            “Yeah. I put the credits in her tip jar instead, because Ros probably continued to be an asshole after I left. And then as I was walking back to the hangar I passed a bookshop and decided to go inside, and the first thing I saw was a big display of the book, put out a week early. So I got one for you and one for me, bonded with the shop assistant over our shared excitement for it, then got the other things for you and came home. The end.”  
  
            Poe took Karé’s hand. “I’m sorry Ros turned out to be an asshole.”  
  
            “Thanks, me too.” she replied, leaning back on the pillows next to him.  
  
            “Thank the Force for Snap,” Poe said after a moment.  
  
            “Yes,” Karé said with a laugh. “What would we do without him?”  
  
            “I have no idea.”  
  
            “Did you hear he’s coming back tonight?” she asked.  
  
            Poe nodded. “Jess told me. I’ve been trying not to worry about him all morning.”  
  
            “He made it this far with no trouble, I’m sure he’s fine.”  
  
            Poe huffed in amusement. “That’s what Jess said.”  
  
            “Well, she’s smart. You should listen to her.” Poe smiled at her and then looked away. Karé squeezed his hand. “Are you ok?”  
  
            It was the question he’d been dreading being asked since he woke up, but somehow, coming from Karé it wasn’t so bad. “I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “At the moment? Not really. Everything is too fresh and I feel all…messed up, in here.” He closed his eyes and tapped his forehead. Physically he felt mostly fine, but ever since he’d woken up that morning he’d felt like things in his head were out of place, and he hadn’t felt up to trying to set them to rights. It wasn’t anything he could necessarily put his finger on and say ‘this is wrong’ anyway; it was more like a vague, cloudy sort of feeling.  
  
            After a second Poe shook his head slightly and opened his eyes again, catching sight of Karé’s worried expression. He smiled slightly to reassure her. “But…I think I will be. Eventually. ”  
  
            Karé regarded him for a second, then her expression smoothed out. “Okay,” she said, satisfied with his answer, and didn’t question him further. He squeezed her hand back in wordless thanks. She shifted on the bed so that her head was resting on his chest, and he wrapped one arm around her shoulder, the other taking hold of her hand again.  
  
            As they lay there in comfortable, easy silence, Poe wondered if Leia would know any meditation tricks that would help him, and whether or not she'd mind if he asked. Her Force abilities were a somewhat touchy subject, because of what had happened when she sent Ben away to train with Luke. Poe hoped that Leia was doing alright, after finding out what her son had done to him. He would find her tomorrow and check up on her, he decided, if Kalonia took him off room arrest and he had the chance. He might be able to tell her more about Finn while he was there, he remembered her saying she wanted that.  
  
            In between worrying about Leia and thinking about Finn, Poe dozed off, and it wasn’t until Karé shifted away from him and got up that he even realised he’d fallen asleep.  
  
            “Mm, sorry,” he said, rubbing his face as he sat up. “Didn’t mean to go to sleep on you.”  
  
            “It’s fine,” Karé said. “Sorry to wake you.”  
  
            Poe waved her apology away and stood up. “Time to go back to work?”  
  
            “Yep. No rest for the wicked.”  
  
            “Have fun with my squadron,” Poe said as he hugged her goodbye. She laughed briefly.  
  
            “‘Fun’ and ‘your squadron’ are not words I would ever use in the same sentence.” She shook her head, one corner of her mouth quirking up. “Actually, it’s not so bad. Just a lot of people to keep track of.”  
  
            Poe nodded. “It is. But I have faith in you, hermanita.” He pulled away from the hug to cup her face and kiss her on the forehead.  
  
            “Thank you. Take care of yourself, okay?”  
  
            “I will.”  
  
            She left him with a kiss on the cheek, and Poe suppressed a yawn as the door slid shut behind her. He looked back at the bed, the siren call of sleep too tempting to ignore. He curled up on top of the covers, still warm from their shared body heat, and was asleep again in moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'hermanita' means little sister.


End file.
